May 9, 2012

to my older brother

Though I never got to meet you
(I was born a year too late)
I've always known that you were real
despite the fact that fate

chose to take you prematurely
I will never understand
why seven days is all you got;
never to become the man

that I know you would have been,
strong and smart, and wise and true...
a caring older brother
protecting me like brothers do.

I always wished that you had lived,
filled that gap, been by my side...
even though I never saw you,
in my mind you were alive.

And not just me, but all my siblings
and dad and mom both too.
We saw what you would have been
in our hearts those dreams came true.

But then someone once told me
"well, if your brother had not died,
you might never have been born
you prob'ly would not be alive..."

I must realize that in death
you gave the greatest gift of all...
Maybe you gave up your life,
so that I could live at all.

It's hard to fathom when I think
of all the fears that hold me back. 
Why aren't you the one who lived...
when I'm the one who lacks?

Rather than let the injustice 
weigh me down like it once did,
wond'ring how my life could matter
when you had much more life to live...

 I try to just be grateful
and make the most of being here
for each day is a gift...
even though some gifts bring tears.

And I hope that when my time comes
and my life is gone away...
I'll have made as big an impact
as you did in seven days.

Happy 22nd Birthday Luke. 
Wish you were here...

the tattoo reads "Forever in Our Hearts" in Latin. For Luke.


Julieboo said...

This was absolutely breathtaking, Lydia.

Lydia said...

Thank you Julie.

Bella said...

Really sweet poem.

Lydia said...

Thank you Ana.